I could ask the question, “Who doesn’t like waffles?” — but we all know the answer. Communists. Communists hate waffles.
Communists hate the liberties freedom-loving folk take in placing any variety of fruits, whipped cream, or simply syrup –but not simple syrup— on their waffles. Wait, scratch that. If you want to put simple syrup on your waffles, do so. We can’t let those Commies win.
I know you have questions. Have I always been this obsessed about waffles? Do I prefer waffles over pancakes aka flapjacks which are surely more American? Do Americans really like waffles that much? And how much of connection can Americans have to a food that commonly has “Belgian” attached to it anyway?
The answers to those questions are, in order: no, this is just for a schtick, only when I want to make sure to capture more butter, yes, amazingly so — do you even Waffle House, bro?, and boy howdy, yes, Americans connect with waffles.
In fact, the last two questions about waffle consumption are wonderfully answered in David Kindy’s article for Smithsonian Magazine about the invention of the waffle iron.
In it, we not only learn about the impressive amount of waffles Americans consume daily, but the particular stamp Americans have put on waffle creations… thanks in great part to one Cornelius Swartwout. Swartwout, besides having a name fit for a 19th Century melodrama, created and patented a waffle iron. Were there other, non-American waffle irons before then? Sure, but crafty Cornelius made a version that was exponentially easier to use… and safer. Leave it to an American to enable our increased, waffle-related caloric intake. Without his heroic efforts, would we have chicken and waffles? Mickey-shaped waffles? Such horrors do not deserve contemplation.
This is also the article where I learned there is a National Waffle Day and it’s tomorrow, August 24th. So now you have time to prepare. Make America proud, citizen!